I Thought of How I Loved Him
by No No 22
Summary: I whispered his name gently and touched his cheeks lightly, as if he would disappear if I wasn't careful. I heard him say my name as he slept... I felt my lips slowly form a smile. YAOI!
1. Short Version

_**Heyz! Anyways, this is just another oneshot that popped into my head during the middle of the night when I was just stairing at my laptop. ... So yup...Enjoy! Oh...just so you know...you can use any yaoi couple in this oneshot! ....well sorta XD'' **_

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_**No No 22 **_

_**Presents**_

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**I Thought of How I Loved Him**

Darkness. That's what is surrounding me. I know that somewhere inside me, a little boy is crying in a dark corner, lonely and sad. Everyday...everynight...every waking moment of my life...I would wonder if that little boy would ever stop crying. If that little boy would ever be happy. If that little boy would ever get away from that corner and live. I wonder these things even as I stare at his face. As I stare at the face of my most precious one...I thought about many things. I thought of how I can relate to him so much...

We both didn't have a happy childhood. We both have amazing power; one of us has the Kyuubi...the other has the curse mark. We both know how to control that power. We both hated each other... We both became close friends. We both...loved each other. I thought of how he yelled at me just an hour ago... How he was angry that I wouldn't talk to him, that I was so quiet. I thought of how after he was done yelling at me...I had told him that I wanted to die. He had yelled at me some more and even punched me. I thought of how I laid on the ground after he punched me, he had went on his knees and held me close, crying.

I thought of the things he had told me when he was crying... How that he couldn't live without me. That he would never let me die. That he loved me more than his own life... I thought of how everything became still when he had said those words. How tears spilled out of my eyes. How I cried and how he had held me the whole time. How I felt so completely lost and lonely. ...How I told him that I loved him as well. I thought of how I had completely lost control of my body and kissed him. How he kissed back. How we touched. How we both tried to get rid of this lonelyness that we both felt. I thought of how the moon shined onto our naked bodies while we made love. How he called for me. And how I called for him... I thought of how I sat here...staring at his beautiful face.

I whispered his name gently and touched his cheeks lightly, as if he would disappear if I wasn't careful. I heard him say my name as he slept... I felt my lips slowly form a smile. At that moment... I thought of a few things... I thought of that the little boy that was in the corner, crying. How he was loenly and sad... How another little boy came up to him and held out his hand. How the little boy was scared. How that when the little boy saw the other little boy's smile, he felt safe. How that little boy was now happy, finally finding someone.

I thought of how I felt towards him. How I was always at peace when I was around him. How he always made feel somehow happy. How he always made me smile. I thought of how that I was that little boy that was crying...and how he was the other little boy that made me happy. I thought of how I would feel if he died. How I would cry in greif over his death. How I would kill the person whoever had killed him. How I would end my life just so I could be with him. I thought of how that maybe...I wasn't surrounded by darkness any more. How I was now surrounded by light..._his_ light... I thought of how he was my life...my everything... I thought...of how I loved him...and no one will ever change that.

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_**So there you go! I saw this in Sasuke's POV but feel free to use any couple you like! Him was Naruto if you're wondering. Anywaysm I made a longer version which i think is better than the short so, please check it out ok!! Thank-jus!!!**_


	2. Longer Version

**_Heyz! Okay, I checked the few reviews I have and well most of them said they would like a longer version (at least on chapter). So I took the liberty to make that longer version! Now...in the shorter version, I said you could use any yaoi couple...well I was WRONG! I forgot that in the shorter version it has the lines...'One of us had the Kyuubi...the other had the cursed mark...' So the shorter version is only used in Sasuke's or Naruto's POV. But the longer version, pick which ever couple you want! Anyways...ENJOY!_**

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**No No 22**

**Presents**

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**I Thought of How I Loved Him - longer version**

_...darkness..._

It was raining. Everyone had gone inside their houses to stay warm and dry...all but me...

_...that's what is surrounding me..._

I was the only one who was out in this terrible weather. Why? ...I wanted to be alone... I was sitting on top of the head of the first Hokage, looking down at my village. I usually came here whenever I wanted to be alone. Lately...I've been wanting that a lot. Ever since we came from that mission. I tore my gaze from my village, and looked up at the sky. ...Was the sky crying just like how I wanted to?

_...somewhere inside me, a little boy was crying..._

I closed my eyes as rain dripped onto my face. ...The rain felt good against my face... I opened my eyes and looked down at my village again, my eyes clouded. That's when I heard his voice...calling my name. His voice sounded as if he were scared. But why would he be scared? Lightning flashed in the sky, soon followed by thunder. ...Was that the reason? Was he scared of thunder and lightning? He called my name again, his tone sounded even more frightened. As I looked down at the village, I saw him running down the street, his head turning left and right as he called my name. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Or at least that's what I thought, becaused he then stopped and looked up towards my direction. I couldn't see his eyes from where I was, but I did know he was relieved from the way he called my name again. I watched him jump from roof to roof until he was cimbing up onto the head of the first Hokage. He walked towards me, his sides heaving as if he'd been running for hours...which he probably had... A sudden rush of guilt flowed through me as he came up to me and went on his knees.

"Do you have any idea how long I've been searching for you!?" he told me, his voice angry but relieved.

"No..." was all that I said.

He looked at me, his face calm but his eyes were filled with anger and shock. I tore me gaze away from his and looked down at the village. I heard him whisper my name, his voice contained anger, but it was mostly sadness.

"What?" I said, my voice calm and quiet, even though I wanted to yell it out.

_...every waking moment of my life..._

Without warning, he grabbed my hand and began to pull me up onto my feet. When I tried to look at him in the eye, he avoided my gaze. I felt my heart throb as he began to pull me off the head of the first Hokage in silence. As he pulled me through the streets, with the rain pouring down on us, I noticed that he was taking me to my house. The whole time he had been pulling me, we both were silent, making my heart ache even more.

_...I would wonder if that little boy would ever stop crying..._

He slammed the door behind us as we entered my house. I didn't flinch, this has happened before so many times. Instead, I began to walk away. I heard him call my name and ask me where I was going. I didn't answer. I kept walking away until I was alone on the porch. I gazed out at my garden, the rain poured onto the plants. There was another flash of lightning and a roar of thunder. And at the precise time, he slammed the door that led onto the porch open. He said my name angrily, that I was pretty sure that he hated me...

_...we both hated each other..._

"What has gotten into you!" he yelled at me. I didn't say anything...I kept watching the rain fall.

"You haven't been yourself, for who knows how long! You don't talk to me anymore! And when you do, you don't look at me in the eye! You even been avoiding me! And I'm SICK OF IT!" he yelled angrily... He said my name even more angrily than before as he grabbed my shoulder and forced me to turn and look at him. As I looked at him in the eye, I saw anger...sadness...and hurt...

_...we both became close friends..._

He held my face between his hands and looked at me with eyes that were filled with hurt. He whispered my name, his voice somewhat desperate. As I gazed at him...I knew I can never have him...that he could never be mine... After all...he loved someone else. The way he looked at _him_... the way I would sometimes see him talking to _him _comfortably...the way he would smile for _him_... And then that mission... I almost lost him in that mission. I wasn't by his side. ...I wasn't fast enough. ...I coudln't save him myself... I felt as if my heart was pierced by a shard as I realised the unwanted truth. I shook my head sadly as I took his hands into mine, giving them a gentle squeaze. I then let go of his hands and took a step back, lightning flashing.

"I...I want to die..." I whispered, my voice steady. I meant every word of it too. If I can't have him...If I can't even keep him safe...why live?

"No... No! NO! You can't die! I won't let you!" I heard him yell. I raised my head in surprise, only to have his fist clash against my jaw. Shock ran through out my body at the impact, and I was left stunned as I fell to the ground from the blow. As I slowly picked myslef from the ground till I was sitting, he fell onto his knees in front of me...and he held me... He held me tightly as if his life depended on it. I felt his body tremble against my own as he sobbed. All I could do was stay there and do nothing as I heard him sob my name against my chest.

"Y-you can't die! You just c-can't!" he sobbed, and I listened for the first time in days.

"Do you h-have any idea w-what would happen if you d-deid!? I'd be lost! L-lost for eternity! The day you die, my s-soul dies as well! I-I can't live without you!" he sobbed, holding me even tighter and sobbed my name. I listened...

"I won't l-let you die. I'll n-never let you die! Even if cost me my own life! I-I'll keep you alive till m-my last breath!" he sobbed, his voice rising with every word. I felt his hands tighten their grip on my shirt as he whispered my name. "...I love you... I love you more than my own life..."

_...we both loved each other..._

Time froze for me when he said those words to me. I couldn't hear the rain pour down anymore... I couldn't hear the thunder... I couldn't hear anything but his soft voice. ...He loved me... That's all that mattered to me at the moment. Suddenly...I felt this weird feeling that I hadn't felt for a long time... I felt warm tears streaming down my face. I felt my whole body tremble as I sobbed. I don't know what was happening around me, but the next thing I know, I was sobbing into his chest. His arms around me as if he were trying to keep me safe from anything that meant harm. I heard him whisper my name in a soft, gentle voice. I sobbed for seconds, which turned to minutes...but to me..it felt like a century. As my sobs began to die down...I told him the three words that I've wanted to stay for a long time.

"I love you..."

He didn't say anything, but by the way pounded against chest told me he was happy as I felt when he told me those words. I slowly gazed into his eyes, only to see his love in them, shining brightly in the moonlight. That's when I realised that the rain had stopped, and the moon was shining brightly onto my porch. I whispered his name as I gazed at him... That's when my mind clouded. Before I could think...I kissed him. I put all the love I had for him into that kiss. He kissed back with the same amount of love. I broke the kiss after a moment and gazed into his eyes, only to see lust clouding his eyes. This time, he kissed me. The kiss was more passionate than sweet, but I didn't complain.

The moon shined against our naked bodies as we made love. We touched each other in ways I never thought we would. Each kiss was passionate as we tried to get rid of this lonelyness that we both felt and will never feel after this night. I had called for him, saying his name with every bit of love I had for him. He had called my name the same way. He never closed his eyes, so I always saw his love and his lust when I gazed into his eyes. I didn't close my eyes either, in fear that he would disappear if I did.

_...I thought of a few things..._

The moon was still shining brightly when I woke up. Immediately, I looked to my side and saw him by me, sleeping soundly. I smiled, relieved that it wasn't a dream...that he really did tell me that he loved me...and that I told him I felt the same... I slowly sat up and looked up at the starlit sky. It wasn't long ago that black clouds blocked the stars from view, but now it was clear.

_...I was that little boy that was crying..._

Suddenly...the thought of the time I almost lost him, crossed my mind. ...What if he did die? What if sensei didn't save him when I couldn't? How would I keep living my life? No... That was something I could not do. If he had died...everything would have been dead to me... I would have maybe killed those ninjas... I would have maybe be in a state of depression for a long time... And that depression would have led to my death... I would have maybe killed myself...just so I could see him again... I tore my gaze from the moon and gazed at his beautiful face instead... Yeah... I would have deffinitely killed myself just to see him... I whispered his name softly and lightly touched his cheek...as if he would disappear if I wasn't careful... I hear him say my name in his sleep.

_...and he was the other little boy that made me happy..._

At first, I sat there shocked...but then I smiled. He always did find a way to make me smile. I always felt at peace around him... I always felt happy...when he was with me. He was everything to me... My life is nothing without him because he _is _my life. Times like these make me think that we were soulmates and will always be for eternity. Even if I were an animal, I would some how find my way to him. My smile widened. He is my light... No matter how dark that darkness gets, he'll be the light that lights the way through my darkness. I heard his voice say my name. I snapped back to reality to see him staring up at me.

"I love you..." he told me, affection filled his eyes. I didn't say anything... Instead I leaned forward and kissed his lips because I knew he would know how I felt.

_...I thought of how I loved him..._

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**_So there you go! The longer version! I still saw this in Sasuke's POV btw. But you choose whatever couple you want. I hope you like it! Byez!_**


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